So you have noticed a pattern… You often ignore your own needs for the sake of others’ and is impacting your health, your relationships and probably indirectly your finances…
When I started working with Kelsey, she was a time poor working mum doing the lion’s share of the domestic load whilst managing the family business and still volunteering at her kids sporting club.
And she was beating herself up for not being able to actualise her career goals.
Over the 3 months we worked together, she learned to identify her needs, put boundaries in place and tolerate the uncomfortable feelings in her body as she asserted for healthier relationships. Kelsey’s progress towards achieving her career goals was only possible because she detangled her identity from other people and identified the self sabotaging pattern of abandonment.
What do you do to break the pattern of self abandonment?
Recognise the cycle of over giving and the times your feelings of unworthiness come up. Look for the ways in which you suppress your needs.
Manage your resentment and take responsibility for articulating your needs. Rather than shutting down or pulling back, take a moment to ask yourself “What do I need right now?” By turning up the volume on your needs, it will help you articulate them to others.
Be prepared to manage the feelings of guilt that will follow speaking up. Being a people pleaser will mean you’ve avoided conflict to a certain extent and so asserting yourself will cause uncomfortable sensations in your body. You need body based techniques to process these feelings in the moment.
Redefine what healthy relating looks like. There are social perks to self abandoning (it’s convenient to other people) but on the flipside, your identity is probably tied up in the “good girl” persona. You need to do the inner work to find your core identity and values which will help drive new behaviours.
- As a mother, discover your values and let them drive the way you relate to your children rather than falling for the martyrdom of chronically denying your needs in order to be a “good mother”.
- At work, be aware of how the commercial environment brings your patterns of self abandonment to the forefront and create strategies to assert boundaries so you’re not constantly dumped on, the scapegoat or at risk of burning out.
Get your thrive on
If you’re passionate about creating legacy and impact it’s time to break the intergenerational cycle of self abandonment so you can get the results you’re after and enjoy the mutually enjoyable relationships.
This is what we’re seeing in the Woman of Influence 6 month immersion experience- the tangible results are happening as they learn to say yes to themselves, to own their needs and strategically step up as leaders. Places are now filling for the next Woman of Influence journey which starts September and is by application. If you would like to join us, if you feel like you need to join us, click this link and let’s talk.