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My ego, my amigo

I have a friend, let’s call her Jane – She’s nice enough, I think she likes me. Somehow, she ends up telling the same old stories. Especially the ones about how someone upset or criticised her or did her wrong. Don’t get me wrong, she is not a terrible person, I feel like it’s her way of trying to connect and how she feels safe. This translates badly for new people, but because I’ve known her for ages, I’m almost immune to her.

Truthfully, Jane kinda reminds me of my ego.

We all have an ego- It’s not good or bad in itself, it’s just part of the mind that functions to protect our sense of self. It manages the gap between who we think we are and who we actually are and it LOVES to create stories to save face with ourselves. 

Problem is, if we’re not aware of our ego and it’s favourite ways of relating (projection, denial and blame to name a few) it will keep us stuck and disconnected from our highest selves.

How do we work with our Ego?

A good identity coach can help you become aware of your true self, make space for your ego and also heal old wounds (attachment wounds, trauma, shame and emotional pain) that the ego is attempting to protect you from. 

Practically, this looks like catching your ego in operation and finding new ways to respond.  New thoughts lead to new ways of showing up in words and even the way you dress.  

Ego work might sound like an optional extra, but can I tell you… this is the ONLY sustainable way to uplevel. Some people might look like they’re reaching new heights and winning at life, but without the internal scaffolding, it always implodes one way or another- emptiness, dissatisfaction, pretending and burnout will manifest as anxiety, gut issues, insomnia, lack of  libido, irritability, and addictions of all kinds.  

Here is the take home message: 

We are all having this human experience. That’s the point. We all experience pain, wounds and we all have an ego trying to protect us. But we can only truly experience connection once we acknowledge this. The greatest legacies are created when we operate out of an overflow of love and compassion for people, as opposed to just keeping our ego appeased.  People and brands that deal with their ego are far more enjoyable and effective. They carry a sense of ease- like they have nothing to prove, they’re just genuinely operating from a place of gifting and service.

If you want to build a legacy, through your brand,  your career or your life, making friends with your ego is a non negotiable. It will overflow into your work, your relationships and even the way you dress. 

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