Do you remember the point at which the pendulum swung for you? When you went from good girl to independent woman?
My mother tells me I came out of the womb-like that- apparently I opened my eyes, looked around as if to say “Okay, what next”…but for some of you, there may have been an event or experience that led to the shift.
Becoming independent is an important step in identity formation
There is a distinct developmental stage (for all humans) where you need to learn to differentiate yourself from others. And for women, it is especially important because we live with the patriarchal programming which teaches that there is always someone more qualified than us to make decisions about our own lives.
What does it look like to be an independent woman?
I think Destiny’s Child said it best:
- “I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings.”
- “I pay my own fun and I pay my own bills”
- “You try and control me and you get dismissed”
- “Do what I want and live how I wanna live”
- “If you’re gonna brag make sure it’s your money you flaunt- depend on no one else to give you what you want”
Independence is important
I get it… I really do. But if you camp out in the independent woman stage, you miss out on so much. For me personally, I was so motivated by independence that I sacrificed meaningful partnership, collaboration, and connection for years. Not just in my personal relationship but in my peer relationships and community. I even noticed the way I dressed kept people at a distance.
The real end game is interdependence.
Being co-leaders. Able to receive and to give. Taking turns being strong and being weak. Courageous at letting people come close with enough self-trust to choose your own boundaries. Interdependence is reaching a place of alignment, where you are no longer running away from what you fear and instead inviting what you choose into your life.
Much of the hustle & grind culture comes from patriarchal programming. Because patriarchy makes men believe they have a right to control and dominate, of course, they must make things happen by force. Whilst some of this momentum is necessary to start projects, it certainly is not a healthy way to sustain them. I see so many independent women hurting in their personal lives, health, and nervous systems trying to fit themselves into the pendulum swing. And I don’t judge them at all- I truly believe we each need to go through our own establishing our identity- I just want to remind you each that you don’t have to stay there.
Impact doesn’t come through independence
It comes through connection. Joining your story to the collective. This bridges the gap for others to benefit from your wisdom, experiences and your unique value. All of that remains blocked up and inaccessible whilst you are stuck in independence mode.
If you are a purpose-driven woman- whether it is in business, your career, or legacy- I invite you to book a call with me and discover your path to power, potency, and presence. Not by might, but by powerful identity shift so you can step into ease, satisfaction, and enjoy everything you have worked for.